Being with Stress
Identifying your particular sources of stress, which stem from your interpretations of, and feelings about these situations, is the first step to resolving them. Becoming aware of how your mind works is also critical for harnessing your ability to make more creative decisions, and to manifesting a calmer, healthier and more satisfying life for yourself and those around you.
Work stress can drain your energy in a variety of ways. Job uncertainty in our hobbled economy, conflicts in business strategies, organizational change, long hours, upper/lower management friction, productivity demands, reluctance to delegate, as well as promotion with its increased expectations, are but a few of the myriad ways work can overload your system.
Personal relationships are another prime target for a stress review. Are your relationships a source of pleasure or are you dogged by unmet expectations of your partner, children, extended family, or aging parents? Has lack of time meant certain decisions are left on the back burner, or do arguments tend to fester without resolution?
Self-neglect will certainly elevate your stress levels over time. Projecting an image of invulnerability, pushing yourself to near exhaustion, relying on coffee and tea to remain alert and alcohol to unwind, long hours, or overeating, with no energy for exercise, let alone for hobbies and activities separate from work or family responsibilities.
In addition to these common sources of stress, the uncertain times we are living in, with the threat of terrorism, war, economic uncertainties, and the ever present threat of Sars, each winter, has topped up most people’s stress levels.
You may have symptoms that are a clue to your levels of stress. Common symptoms include daily fatigue, a short temper, increasing interpersonal conflict, a heightened sense of tension or anxiety, especially in anticipation of certain activities, mood swings, sleep problems, declining productivity, frequent headaches, or weight gain or loss. If these symptoms persist over time, they may well be signs of incipient burnout. Identify the sources of your stress and then target action to resolve each specifically, as well as action to calm your body and mind, so you will be better equipped to cope with potential stressors in the future.
Much has been written about stress releasers, those activities which basically get your mind off your sources of stress, at least temporarily. These diversions include team and solitary land and water sports, cooking, gardening, cultural pursuits, sweating out your stress at a gym or on a yoga mat, meeting up with trusted friends, pursuing a long held (non work-related) interest, pampering yourself, and taking short holidays.
Stress reducers on the other hand, have the potential to counter your tendency to react to perceived stressors with additional mental, emotional and physical stress. Developing the capacity to relax is at the foundation of any program undertaken to overcome any form of stress. I am referring in particular to the undisputed benefits of establishing a simple mindfulness meditation practice, using the breath and focused attention to be fully present with whatever is going on within you at the moment. With the practice of mindfulness meditation, your habits of evaluation, assumptions, interpretations, feelings and responses become available to detached observation and potential change. You begin to cultivate awareness, attentiveness and alertness to what is happening without being ensnared by it. Rather with awareness you can explore, moment by moment, the truth of what is arising within your experience. There is a strength and maturity of mind in true awareness that sees life without judgment, comment, resistance or holding on.
“Whenever things start feeling complicated, I’m sure that struggle, non acceptance and aversion are somewhere in the neighborhood. At those times, I remind myself that meditation is not about bullying the mind or shaping experience in any way. Meditation is about loving the mind back into the present moment.” (G. Harrison, In the Lap of the Buddha)
Find a quiet, private place where you won’t be disturbed by anyone or anything for at least 15 minutes. Whether you choose to sit cross-legged on a pillow or in a chair, be sure your back is erect, with nothing pressing against your spine. Lift the back of your head up toward the sky, thereby elongating the spine.
Sit quietly, with your hand on your abdomen, feeling your breath rising and falling. Focusing on your breathing, in itself, is a rapid and reliable way to begin to settle your stomach, steady your heartbeat, lower your blood pressure and focus your mind. To help you disengage from distractions, begin by focusing on your breath. Determine where you experience the breathing most clearly. It may be the tip of your noise, the rise and fall of the abdomen or the movement of your chest. Begin counting each inhalation and exhalation as one until you reach ten complete breaths. If your mind wanders from any inhalation or exhalation you begin again from one. This in itself is a challenging but calming exercise.
After the counting, allow your awareness to settle on your natural breathing.
As you do so, observe whatever comes into your awareness, be it a thought, feeling or physical sensation. Whatever arises, be it pleasant, painful, fearful or neutral, just observe it without grasping, judgment or impatience. When you find yourself distracted (hence no longer present with yourself) bring your attention back to your breathe. Rest your attention lightly on the steady rise and fall of your breath.
This is not concentration in the usual sense because you are not trying to exclude or suppress thoughts, feelings or sensations. Rather allow them to come and go, or simply be there, while gently holding the mind’s focus on the breath. Like doing a task while music plays in the background, you can hear the music but your mind remains on the task. When some distressing thought, preoccupation or feeling becomes predominant in your awareness, observe it clearly and directly without getting lost in interpretation. You will notice how such experiences change constantly, even as you observe them. In the process you are learning how your mind works, what it clings to, rejects, and how your emotions follow from your thoughts.
As your mind disentangles from stressful thought it becomes more tranquil and automatically clearer: like still water, the sediment settles. As an observer, you are then able to experience some insight into your usual automatic reactions. You begin to notice what your mind is doing, the tricks it plays on you and how. The effect of this direct perception is that the mind changes, you are less distracted, more tranquil, and so you are able to bring a calmer, more present intelligence to your life situations.
The continual practice of meditation causes mindfulness to grow - just as training with weights causes muscles to grow. This growth of mindfulness fosters the growth of tranquility, hence less distraction and inner turmoil and an enhanced ability to deal with stress and change.
Long established in Hong Kong, Dr. Melanie Bryan of http://www.mindmatters.hk
specializes in short-term therapy & hypnosis with long-term results.
Working with individuals & couples, Dr. Melanie brings a solution-focused approach to helping people quit smoking quickly, overcome
fear of flying/public speaking, overeating, anxiety, couples conflict,
infidelity, infertility, command training stress, unattractive habits,
insomnia, career change and expat adjustment challenges.
Dr. Melanie also offers Changing Lifestyles and Post-Divorce Coaching.